Дата: 2018-11-26 16:02:33
Parent meeting: conflicts with your own child and ways to resolve Them»
Conflicts with your own child and their ways
The course of the meeting: Indeed, the child-the display of their parents, their behavior, actions, views of the world. For a small child, parents are people whom he honors and adores. In the eyes of the baby daddy - the strongest, the most intelligent, the most fair; mom – the most beautiful, the kindest, the most wonderful. This authority parents have simply because they are adults, and the child is still small, incompetent and weak. In the first years of life, such a natural authority gives the child a lot. He unconsciously "absorbs" everything from his parents: manners, tastes and views, values and moral norms. But over time, the balance of power changes. It may happen that the father does not know how to solve the problem, which copes with the son, and the mother did not read as many books as her daughter. There comes a critical moment when the authority of parents ceases to hold on to the benefits of age. What happens then? The child sooner or later comes into the struggle for independence, for the right to realize their needs and goals, and does it with all the energy of their young forces. It sometimes comes to open war.
The secret of wise behavior of parents is simple: you need to be able to correctly resolve any conflict, and not try to avoid it or try to hush up. The more that family conflicts are inevitable even in the best relationships. Conflict situations lie in wait for us, almost at every step, and in some cases it ends with an open dispute, in others – unspoken and hidden resentment, and sometimes a real "battle". Not in the world a man who never in life would not participate in a fight. A quarrel, dispute, or scandal is a conflict.
Conflicts are a dispute, quarrel, scandal in which the parties do not skimp on mutual reproaches and insults.
The worst thing in the conflict is the feelings that people have for each other. The main feelings of conflicts are: fear, anger, resentment, hatred, punishment .
Conclusion: After watching the video, you are convinced of how cruelly the father treated his son, but the boy so wanted to attract the attention of his father with his love. The need for love, for belonging to another is one of the most important human needs. This means that it is important for a person to feel that someone needs him. How is it manifested in your life? The child needs you to look at him warmly, he wants to hear: "How great that we have you!”, “
I love when you're home”, " Glad to see you”, and at the same time gently touched, stroked, hugged. These are the words a child wants to hear from the lips of their closest people
Parental love later they are transferred to the newly created family. They need to be heard by everyone in their lives and more than once. Psychologists also recommend hugging the child several times a day, saying that four hugs are absolutely necessary for everyone just to survive, and for good health you need at least eight hugs a day! And, by the way, not only a child but also an adult. Among the students of grades 5-9 was conducted a survey. So the question:
How often do your parents hug you? students responded as follows:
often -61%, not hugging-11%, sometimes-28%
Probably, no one will have a question who is more important for a parent in this world - of course, a child. The most interesting thing that the children answered this question, namely: "If this day was the last in your life, with whom would you spend it?"Now, 21% of the respondents are not parents, and friends and loved ones. The figure in principle is not large, but it is worth considering...
What prevents communication with the child?It
"Stop right now!So more I didn't hear it.", "Shut up!".
In these categorical phrases the child hears the reluctance of parents to understand his problem, feels disrespect for his independence. Such words cause a sense of powerlessness, and even abandonment "in trouble." In response, children resist, take offense, and are stubborn.
Mother: Vova, get dressed soon (team), we are late for school!
Vova: I can't, help me.
Don't invent! (order.) How many times has he dressed himself.
Vova: the Shirt is nasty, I don't want it.
New tricks! Come on, get dressed now! (Order.)
Vova: and I have not fastened.
Mom: I can't zip - so and go, everyone will see what a slob.
And the conversation could have gone another way:
Mother: Vova, get dressed soon, we are late for school!
Vova: I can't, help me.
Mom: You can't handle it.
Vova: the Shirt is nasty, I don't want it.
Mom: you don't like the shirt.
Vova: Yes, the guys were laughing yesterday, talking, girly.
Mother: It was very unpleasant for you. I understand... Let's wear this one!
Dylan: Come On! (Quickly dresses.)
In this conversation, the mother is set to hear the child, not just their orders. The son shares his problem, the mother is ready to accept it.
What else prevents socializing: lack of understanding, ridicule
Conclusion: after Watching the video, we can conclude that
Love, attention to children and their acceptance as they are should be the Basis of education, because it is much more important than all material goods, troubles and quarrels over trifles.
Prevents communication: Criticism, accusation:"what it's like!", "Again all made not so!", "All because of you!", "I wonder you had hoped!", "Forever you!.."All these phrases cause in children either active protection: (retaliatory attack, denial, anger), or discouragement, depression, disappointment in themselves and in their relationship with the parent. In this case, the child is formed low self-esteem; he begins to think that really bad, weak-willed, hopeless, loser. And low self-esteem creates new problems.
Slide 14 What can save the day?
Try to pay attention not only to the negative but also to the positive aspects of your child's behavior. Do not be afraid that words of approval in his address will spoil it. For example:" it's Good that you came when you promised","I like to cook with you".
Prevents communication: Threats, warnings, imitation parents:
"It'll happen again and I'll take the belt."
Conclusion: the Child absorbs what he hears and sees every day. Remember that you can achieve success in education when parents are an example for positive imitation every day.
Often also prevents communication Notation parents.
"It's time to know that before eating it is necessary to wash your hands"," endlessly distracted, that's making mistakes", " How many times you said, and you do not listen."
Parents ' notations-talk about the past, about what has already been done. And you need to show your child how to do to avoid mistakes in the future, to teach the right skill, the right behavior. The notation used to induce a protective response. Children answer: "Leave off!How many times?"Stop!"Or there is what psychologists call" psychological deafness."
Prevents communication: Morality is the rules of conduct, explaining what actions are considered good and which evil.
"You have to behave properly," "Everyone has to work," " you have to respect adults."
Usually children do not learn anything new from such phrases, their behavior does not change. They feel the pressure of external authority, sometimes guilt, sometimes boredom, and most often all together. If a child violates the norms of behavior, it is necessary to see if anyone in the family behaves in this way. If this reason disappears, then, most likely, there is another: the child "goes beyond" because of his internal disorder, emotional distress. In both cases, verbal instruction is the most unfortunate way to help the cause. To talk about moral standards and rules of conduct with children it is necessary only in the quiet moments, not in the tense atmosphere. Otherwise words only add fuel to the fire.
Without conflicts, life is impossible, we need to learn how to resolve them constructively. In order to learn how to resolve a conflict situation, you need to learn to understand the details of disagreements and openly discuss them. Smoothing out the conflict situation, avoiding its solution can lead to problems much more serious:
Avoiding its solution can lead to physical problems related to health;
The next problem is the problem of the psychological plan (care in yourself, in your emotional pain, changing the nature of man, mental disorder, suicide, etc.);
- There is still a problem of social plan (loss of family, divorce, loss of work, loss of self).
Methods of exit from conflict.
To get out of a conflict situation, you can:
1. Give vent to your feelings, warning others about it;
2. Find a reputable third who will help to understand the conflict;
Z. Put yourself in the place of another person
4. To realize the right to exist from a different point of view;
5. Be firm when talking about the problem, and gentle with people.
- Dear parents! Conflict situation can radically change your life! Try to make these changes for the better! We, parents, should take our children and the time when they grow up, more condescending. And intergenerational conflicts, which arise and are an integral part of life, can be minimized if children are not required to be fully subordinate and dependent, if the individual differences of all family members are tolerated. Dialogue and the desire to understand each other is a bridge that unites, rather than divides, the older and younger generations. In conclusion, I would like to remind you that for survival, for well-being, every person (not only a child) needs a hug. And so I give you, today's homework-hug everyone who lives with you in the house! Take care of your children,
Do not scold them for pranks.
The evil of my bad days.
Never take it out on them.
Don't be angry with them seriously,
Even if they were guilty,
Nothing is more expensive than tears,
That with cilia loved rolled down.